So the last time I was at the hospital, it was to see the specialist who is taking care of my illness that has taken over my life for the last 21 years
Well she ordered a round of PET scans and aside from the annoying table you have to lie on and the IV in the arm… the test went easy enough
Considering you don’t move… at all…
It the table was just a lil wider or had arm rests to help you STAY still, then it would have been just peachy but they don’t and it is a real bitch to not move when you have to keep your arms at an awkward position for 30 minutes… without moving!!
After the test I was able to talk to the man in charge and the doctor seemed upset
He had that OH FUCK! IT AIN’T GOOD kind of worried face and did confirm that there are areas in my brain that are not working just right…
I was very happy about this and I know that he was HIGHLY confused, thinking that I must have misunderstood but confirming with him that I have been sick for so long and everyone saying I am just making things up for attention… well at this point I don’t care what I have, just prove me right and make me better!
We spoke for a while, he liked that my English is clear enough to not cause him problems if I need to say something that I can’t translate into French
He showed me some pictures of the scan and kept asking if I ever suffered from diabetes or hypertension and making sure I am only 33 years old
I seem to have areas in the back of the brain and more to the left side than any other areas (not that I was able to spend a long time studying the images) which showed up as being abnormal in some way
He was able to confirm that I am not clinically depressed like some people feared (I wasn’t one of them, I know I am not depressed, I am angry and panicking with years of justification due to emotional and psychological abuse from crap doctors)
He also stated that it seems I have less blood flow/oxygen flow through these areas and that might be why I am in such constant pain and could be due to the lupus or autoimmune disorders but that is not his specialty
He wrote up a report and sent that to my specialist and she has ordered I have a meeting tomorrow (March 25th) with a neurologist to properly go over the results and tell me what other types of brain scans I need to better identify what is happening in my head
And THIS is why I have been trying to get doctors to scan my brain with something that shows activity in the brain… blood flow… I have been trying for so long to get anyone to listen to me and help figure out what is going on to cause all of this pain
If it hasn’t been physical prior to this, like some doctors thought, then it had to be something in the brain and that does affect all things physical and either way… I WAS RIGHT!
I am not trying to make myself sick
I am and have been trying to teach myself to listen to my body and to understand what the fuck it has been trying to tell me
What really hurts the most is that so many TRAINED PROFESSIONALS refused for so long to see the signs in front of them and I HAD to teach myself, at my own expense, how to speak their language and push for the tests I needed
It’s all BULLSHIT… no one should have to suffer like this, there is just no excuse for it
So tomorrow I see the neurologist and things WILL go my way, I will get the help I need and the ball will continue to roll… I will have results