June 21 2013 – Fête de la Musique

France has a passion for music and the 21st of June was their Fête de la Musique and I spent my time well by being the Paparazzi for my friend and his band mates

With the past few years, my passion for photography has dwindled and I have taken fewer and fewer pictures

Before I could easily take 1000 pictures or more in an hour if I found a subject that seriously interested me, but now I see things I should take a picture of and sort of go…meh

I take great pride in my photography skills, I grew up with a camera in my hand and only had one semester of photography class when I was 15

Everything I know is what I have figured out over the years and what I do… I can’t explain it to anyone, I try things and I know what will work

When I use Photoshop or other tools to alter my pictures, I have no idea what I am doing… ok granted my version of Photoshop is in French and I have NO IDEA what anything is… but I play around and things work out pretty

It is my play time

That is also how I learn best

I used to be able to read books and learn from them or take classes and gain a normal education like those around me but then I got sick and things didn’t work the same any more

So, for me to find interest in my friend and his music, to get out of the house and go see everyone excited and playing and singing and dancing!!

So be there for hours and take nearly 3000 pictures… ok about 25 are movies and another 25 are the doc’s associated with the movies… but still that is a lot of pictures

Granted I would have taken more but my camera went through two fully charged batteries and then I used up the one in my friends camera hahah

It was great

I was on a real high and feeling so much more like myself

But I paid the price for it the next day and a half, almost nothing but sleep, mild fever and the feeling that I had done serious exercises

I hate not being myself more of the time

I know that the more I laugh, go out with people, change my environment, see and play with animals, have music in my life and good people to cuddle with…

The more I have those things, the less I hurt, the less I feel useless and the more I feel connected to myself

I am bored out of my skull when I am at home and it seems I am only productive when I leave the house but I stay at home too much

Easier to sleep than to get up, get dressed and make an effort

I have one friend in France, I know many people that are acquaintances but only one friend… that is very hard for me

All across the world I know thousands of people, all ages, all sex, all religions and all that other stuff… I love diversity and I love people but here I am so alone

Hahah and everyone says get a support group hahah

There are hardly any support groups for cancer near me, let alone anything so mysterious as what I have

But I keep going, not much choice and I talk to my friends on the net and they give me strength but all the virtual cuddles in the world really don’t mean much

*sigh*

So that was my night, hours of music and meeting new people and taking pictures… being me

I need that more often

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